Lorna Jack-Brown's job as a police officer in Edinburgh has taken her down dark alleys. In 2018, when it took a mental toll, she almost retired from international cricket.
From nearly walking away from the sport, Jack-Brown, the wicketkeeper-batter, has been able to tick off a "life dream" of playing in Scotland's first-ever T20 World Cup. On Sunday, against England in Sharjah, she will retire as Scotland's most-capped woman cricketer, bringing the curtains down on a career that would've spanned nearly 18 years.
At 31, a full-time career in the police force beckons.
"If I was able to play this far, it's only because I got help when I needed it," Jack-Brown reflects. "I realised my work had been taking a toll on me gradually. When it got to a stage where I'd refuse to train, get panic attacks and look for reasons not to play cricket, I knew something was wrong."
Jack-Brown sought help by enrolling at Scotland Institute of Sport. They discovered her stress triggers were because of her police work. As an officer who deals with domestic and sexual abuse, Jack-Brown says she has seen "all kinds of not so nice stuff."
"Not that there's really any nice crime," she quickly adds. "I certainly went through a few doors and have seen a few crime scenes I never want to see again. I've been chucked in front of a bus; I've had knives thrown at me. I think the only thing I haven't had is someone's throwing out a gun on me, which I'm thankful for."
Jack-Brown's manner of describing these "interesting experiences" can make her a good screenplay writer for a crime series. She laughs off any prompts when asked if it's a career waiting to be explored. Her resilience and mental fortitude are impressive.
"It's just hard to understand some of the sights and some of the experiences that I've had," she says. "Even if I'd try to describe it to some of my team-mates, they'd be like 'sorry, what did you do?' But yeah, I think it's not just physical. It does take an absolute mental toll."
This journey of being a police officer was completely accidental. After completing a physical education degree in 2015-16, Jack-Brown spent nine months working for Carnival Cruise Lines in America, "enjoying all the adventure life can offer a twenty-something straight out of college."
"It allowed me to see places I'd never be able to otherwise. I had the time of my life. But my nature is such I always want to be doing something different. When I came back from America, a family friend introduced me to the possibility of joining the police.
"They were like either you can apply to be a special constable but you wouldn't be paid or you can apply for the full-time role for which you need to pass an exam. I said 'bring it on.' And the next thing I realise is, I've prepared and cracked this exam and joined the police [in 2017]."
After seven years of juggling two demanding careers, Jack-Brown decided this April, soon after Scotland qualified for the World Cup, that she would draw the curtains on one part of her professional career.
"Maybe if we hadn't qualified, that push to be at another world tournament may have gotten the better of me," she says. "But I'm very content with my decision. I've got a bit going on with my shoulder, a few niggles I need to sort out before I can pick up a cricket bat or throw a ball again.
"But yeah, just because I'm retiring from international cricket, it doesn't mean that I'm going to stop playing. It's a good time to step back and allow my wife, who also works in the police, some breathing space because over the past few years, me being at cricket tournaments has meant her exhausting all her paid leaves to take care of our daughter and dogs."
Jack-Brown is also focused on making further inroads into her young police career.
"I do want to become a sergeant and then hopefully an inspector," she says. "I also want to delve into the other units and then get as much experience and then start climbing the ranks if I can. But yeah, that's a journey of 20 years looking ahead."
For now, Jack-Brown is happy living up to her image as the "bad cop" on the cricket ground. "The other day, when [Tazmin] Brits got out, I celebrated wildly and then suddenly her head snaps back to look at me. She kept staring at me, so I was like, 'I'm gonna keep staring at you too'.
"We're here to play in the big leagues too, doesn't mean we're cocky, arrogant [laughs]. It's just me having fun in my final few games."
Jack-Brown has also been busy planning outings with her parents, who've flown in to Dubai to see her wind down a memorable career.
"We were at Dubai Mall yesterday, we've got the desert safari to look forward to," she says. "Couple of days of sight-seeing, my final game and they'll be on the same flight home as us. The other day, I was asked, 'do you not want to give your mum the business class seat? And I was like no, I don't want to. I've been in this team for 15 years and I've never had a business class flight. I was like I'm taking it. It's probably my reward [laughs] for not giving up, I deserve it."