Lewis Hamilton admits he underestimated how difficult, emotional and awkward it would be to spend a whole season saying goodbye to his Mercedes team this year.
Ahead of the start of the 2024 season, the seven-time world champion signed a contract to race with Ferrari in 2025, meaning his departure from Mercedes has been hanging over him since before the launch of this year's car.
Hamilton has driven for Mercedes for 12 years, scoring six of his seven championships with the team and 84 of his 105 race wins.
Ahead of his final race with Mercedes in Abu Dhabi, he said he knew it would be difficult to leave but underestimated the depth of the feelings he has experienced.
"The first meeting with Toto at the beginning of the year was awkward," Hamilton said. "Of course it was awkward from the get-go.
"The day after I took the team paintballing and they had just found out ... I got a lot of shots and had loads of bruises. People went in on me that day!
"I anticipated it would be difficult but massively underestimated how difficult. It was straining on the relationship very early on. Took time for people to get past it."
Alongside the emotions of leaving the team, Hamilton has struggled for performance this year.
He conceded that he has not handled the situation as well as he'd hoped, but said the positive memories with Mercedes would ultimately remain with him over the negative ones.
"For my own self, it's been a very emotional year for me and I think I've not been at my best in dealing with those emotions," he added. "I think you've all seen the worst of me and the best of me and I'm not going to apologise for either because I'm only human and I'm not always going to get it right.
"I would definitely say this year has been one of the worst in terms of handling it from my side, which I'll try to be better at. I hope the good and the highs far outweigh the negatives in terms of how I've behaved.
"I just remember the good times and I've built some incredible relationships.
"When you go through a season together with so many people, not only on those weekends you are riding highs and lows together but also in their personal lives, through marriages, through divorces, through loss of family members, through cancer, through all sorts.
"You are going through all these moments with people and it's a really beautiful journey you go on together. Being there for so long, the emotions run so deep."