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How to become a big league bullpen cart driver in five easy steps

WASHINGTON -- Last August, the Nationals became the third MLB team to bring back the beloved bullpen cart, joining the Arizona Diamondbacks and Detroit Tigers, who launched the throwback trend early in the 2018 season. It marked the first time bullpen carts had been used since 1995, when the Milwaukee Brewers deployed a motorcycle with a sidecar.

Unlike last year, when the Nats annexed a couple of existing game-day staffers, informing them that they'd be adding "cabbie" to their résumés, the club held real-deal tryouts this time. The auditions took place Tuesday and revealed the secrets to success for aspiring hurler handlers.

So you want to be a bullpen cart driver? Here's how:

1. Fix up your résumé -- fast! On Friday, Feb. 8, the Nationals posted the job opening. By the following Monday, they'd received 432 applications. Compared to the 300 or so candidates who trickle in over a three-week period for the team's annual racing presidents tryouts, it was a huge number. "To surpass that in three days -- on a weekend, no less -- is really impressive," said Tom Davis, who is in charge of game-day entertainment at Nationals Park. "And a little bit scary."

It was enough to spook Davis and his colleagues into shutting down the application portal right then and there. Those who got in under the wire -- answering questions that included "Do you have at least 10 years driving experience?" and "What gets you out of bed in the morning?" -- were eligible to move on to the next step in the process. Those who didn't were left out in the cold. For now, anyway: The club plans to keep things fresh by making the tryouts an annual event and selecting a new corps of drivers each year.

2. Move to a major league city. Even though the Nats play their games in the nation's capital, applications poured in from all over the country from people willing to relocate for the part-time gig. But the team wasn't having it, so non-locals were immediately removed from consideration, and a follow-up questionnaire was sent to prospective candidates from the Delmarva area (that's Delaware, Maryland and Virginia).

Apparently, though, there is such a thing as living too close to Nats Park: A 56-year-old season-ticket holder named James resides in an apartment building across the street from the stadium, and ever since he moved to the city from suburban Virginia three years ago, he hasn't had a car. To practice for tryouts, he borrowed a buddy's Hyundai and took it to a nearby parking lot for some reps.

What he lacks in game readiness, he's hoping to make up for in name recognition. "Who wouldn't want their driver to be named James?" he asked. "'To the pitcher's mound, James.'"

3. Actually, you know, show up for the interview. Of the hundreds of locals who received the follow-up questionnaire, 21 were invited to the tryouts and 20 came. Needless to say, the one who didn't make it got the ax.

Among those who did attend was Ann, a substitute teacher from Sterling, Virginia, who was one of three women who tried out. "I just love Nationals baseball," she said, explaining the sentiment that -- like pretty much everyone else at the audition -- drew her to the job opportunity.

Well aware of that drive, Davis was quick to set the record straight. "We've got a lot of Nats fans here," the team's entertainment chief said as he addressed the group in the Center Field Social lounge to kick things off. "This is really fun and cool, but also this is serious. It's a position where you are driving major league baseball players, and you need to be able to take it seriously."

4. Practice safe driving habits. The anchor event at tryouts was an obstacle course outlined by orange cones in the shape of the team's Curly W logo. It featured two mannequins dressed as players and a real live racing president, Teddy Roosevelt. Given MLB's recent obsession with pace of play, speed was obviously important (times ranged from a low of 49 seconds to a high of 1:24). But it wasn't the primary concern.

"If you hit Teddy with the cart," said Brian, an applicant from Northwest D.C. whose civilian ride is a 2003 Honda Accord, "you get run out of here pretty quick."

The good news for Brian and his fellow contestants -- and for Teddy -- is that the vehicle on duty for tryouts was not the actual bullpen cart, which can reach speeds of 20 mph, but a generic, multiuse Nats Park buggy that maxes out at about 8 mph.

"Safety is No. 1," said Davis, who by the end of the week plans to select several hopefuls to work as a group in covering all 81 home games (they'll be paid for their services, but the Nats wouldn't disclose salary information). "This is not NASCAR."

5. Speak only when spoken to. Closer Sean Doolittle was the only Nationals pitcher who opted to ride in Washington's bullpen cart last season (Mets hurler Robert Gsellman was the only visiting pitcher who used it).

Although he was dismayed that he wasn't able to attend tryouts in person on account of the whole Grapefruit League thing, Doolittle weighed in from West Palm Beach, Florida, on the qualities he believes make for an ideal chauffeur.

"Sometimes you get those Lyft drivers who are super talkative, and you're like, 'I have my headphones in. Take the hint,'" Doolittle said from his locker at spring training. "Well, I enjoy every second I spend in the bullpen cart, but I'm also on my way to my job, so I'm kind of focused. I may say something, but I don't want them to be offended if I don't."