As I sit down at my laptop, drinking two-day-old coffee I've convinced myself tastes fresh by adding some ice cubes and eating a piece of pizza that's been sitting on my stove since Saturday, the angst is still real. This week's buckets of tears handouts start personally!
Arizona Cardinals at my beloved Las Vegas Raiders
No deficit feels like it can be overcome and no lead feels safe when you're a Raiders fan? 20-0? 23-7? Die-hards know not to pop champagne too early.
Two touchdowns and two 2-point conversions in the fourth quarter -- including one where Kyler Murray had more time to throw than his family would get during the speed round on "Celebrity Family Feud" -- was capped off with a scoop-and-score fumble recovery in overtime that pushed the game over the total (51.5) and gave the Cardinals the win.
Verdict: 1 million buckets of tears (Yes, it's a 1-5 scale, but it's my column. Back off)
Baltimore Ravens at Miami Dolphins
Imagine ... you get on a flight, only to discover hell is real and the flight has no Wi-Fi. Oh, and while you were in the air, your team had one of the greatest fourth-quarter comebacks we've ever seen and your young quarterback announced he's a star. These are tears of joy, Dolphins fans and bettors. Just ask this guy:
Verdict: Five buckets of joy!
New York Jets at Cleveland Browns
When all you need is a touchdown, onside kick and another touchdown in the last two minutes of a game, you know you got it if you got Flacco! 2,229 consecutive teams failed to do it, but you have Flacco!. I'll go to resident good guy Field Yates to kindly remind Browns fans that ... well you blew it.
A crazy look back moment in the Jets-Browns game: with 1:55 left in the game, Nick Chubb took a carry for 12 yards and a TD to go up 30-17. The Jets had no timeouts left. If Chubb went down, the Browns could have run the clock. Instead, the Jets pull off a miracle 31-30 win. https://twitter.com/fieldyates/status/1571592409439473666?s=46&t=0-nTkjgZkBmZ8MbrQamhTQ
— Field Yates (@FieldYates) Sep 18, 2022
Verdict: Four buckets (it's the Browns, after all)
Fear not, though. The chaos wasn't contained to just Sunday. Saturday wanted in on the fun, just ask Darius Rucker.
I need a lock today. Who we like in College Football?!?! https://twitter.com/dariusrucker/status/1571110712721936385?s=20&t=BIgpAKu-gfoJpDiReUDKFw
— Darius Rucker (@dariusrucker Sep 17, 2022
Don't we all, man? I mean, I want to understand a single Hootie lyric without having to read it, but life isn't always easy, my friend.
Georgia at South Carolina
Who cares about a 48-7 blowout? All of us that bet the over, thank youuuu. Georgia gives up their first touchdown of the season in garbage time but one man's trash is another man's treasure, as the over cashes.
Verdict: Two buckets
Cal at Notre Dame
This game was tougher to watch than your ex's Instagram when they're finally in a happy and healthy relationship. What looked like an all-time bad beat as Notre Dame scooped up a fumble and returned it for a touchdown that would've had the Irish cover as time was running out was called back and you went from telling the bar the next round was on you to Irish ghosting while no one was looking.
watching the fumble return touchdown to cover get called back https://twitter.com/jessica_smetana/status/1571258276406349830?s=46&t=H8SOEma6Ua5-q0T8UiNmXQ
— eric (@LaLagic) Sep 17, 2022
Verdict: One bucket
South Alabama at UCLA
According to Dierks Bentley's What was I thinking, "Becky was a cutie from South Alabama."
I'm still thinking what South Alabama was thinking with this play, which led to UCLA getting the game winning field goal and the game hitting the over.
This just happened in a college football game with a total of 60... https://twitter.com/br_betting/status/1571245852844228609?s=20&t=73AUvx3e4dJmN36Zj9PJ9Q
— br_betting (@br_betting) Sep 17, 2022
Verdict: Two buckets -- it's UCLA, so no one cares that much
Purdue at Syracuse
THIS is the game that reminded us all why we love sports betting. Let's face it, all six loyal fans of these teams were watching but it was ruled Twitter because of the ending.
This game was 9-3 at the half. SERIOUSLY. 42 points in the 4th quarter alone.
Purdue took the lead late but TWO unsportsmanlike penalties ON AN EXTRA POINT put the Orange in full Dumb and Dumber mode. Yes, there's a chance.
More like Pur-don't? The Orange get the win AND the over all in one play.
I feel you SVP:
Purdue kicked off from its 10 after a TD. Syracuse kicked off from the Purdue 35 after the following TD. Some hideous beats in both game and total. Also, we had 'Cuse in winners. https://twitter.com/notthefakeSVP/status/1571226812159590401?s=20&t=zHxNd95RYOzoDhDINw0lTg
— Scott Van Pelt (@notthefakeSVP) Sep 17, 2022
Verdict: 4.5 buckets
Get rest and plenty of fluids because the ONLY thing I'm sure of is that we'll be back right here next week come Hell or high water.
Send us your best reactions and bad beats on twitter, @jasonfitz, and you might even get some free stuff.
Someone check in on @jasonfitz ASAP https://twitter.com/wingoz/status/1571651873345572865?s=20&t=oTqH7CXFGNDD-Iu_uH_ZXA
— trey wingo (@wingoz) Sep 18, 2022
We'll get 'em next weekend, Trey. I hope.